How do we create our feeling?

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Aug 7, 2022 12:31 PM

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NLP

Communication skills

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This chapter teaches us how our emotion triggers. Feelings are created when external stimuli are interpreted and assigned a meaning. This happens quickly and often without our awareness. The meaning we assign to a stimulus generates an emotion, which in turn generates our reaction. Understanding that our emotions come from the meaning we make of thoughts or external input allows us to change our thoughts and choose better responses. This cycle happens millions of times every day and the tricky part is that we are usually only aware of the first stimulus and the emotion, the meaning is typically out of our awareness. The real author of our feelings is not the other person but the meaning we make out of whatever caught our attention.

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The following is the excerpt from the chapter 1 of NLP: The Essential Guide — the book I am reading.

Here’s how feelings are created. The first thing that happens is that you get some kind of external stimuli. For example, when you woke up this morning, the first thing you had was your inner commentary. That was just you, right? But then, you began meeting the world—a whistling coffeepot, a crying kid, a dog that needs to be let out, the newspaper in the front door, the TV on. Whatever your world consists of, you had that stimulation coming into your brain.

As soon as sensory input comes into your brain, it’s interpreted. You assign a meaning to it. This is really important because this happens so fast you aren’t even aware of it. The interesting thing is that as soon as a meaning is assigned, you have an emotion. You create a feeling about it.

You might think, “It’s going to be a crappy day . . . There’s gonna be traffic . . . It’s smoggy . . . I hate politics . . . The economy’s down . . . We ran out of coffee . . . Doesn’t anybody else take care of the damn dog?” Sound familiar? Or, if you’re as lucky as I am to be happily married, it might even be “Good morning, sweetie. What’s on your docket for the day?” Bottom line? There’s one thing or another going on in your mind.

Whatever the stimulus is that’s coming in, you assign a meaning to it, you have an emotion, and it’s those emotions that generate your reaction. That’s the way it happens for most people. As you begin to understand that your emotions come from the meaning you make of some thought or some external input, you can go back to that thought, “unpack it,” and change it. This is where the ability to slow down your thoughts will actually allow you to think more effectively, and to choose better responses.

So, stimulus to meaning . . . meaning to emotion . . . emotion to action. This whole cycle happens in an instant.

This happens millions of times every day, and almost always without our awareness.

Remember, the tricky part is that we’re usually only aware of the first stimulus and then the emotion; the meaning is typically out of our awareness.

Try on the following statements: “I feel great when I’m around you.” “He made me mad.” “That customer ruined my whole day.” Despite how these emotions are stated, the real author of our feelings is NOT that other person. The real author of our feelings is the meaning we make out of whatever caught our attention.