How to deal with criticism (LIKE A PRO)

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Mar 11, 2023 10:32 AM

3 types of criticism

The video is about how to deal with criticism effectively. The speaker, Dami, shares his experience of receiving criticism from his colleagues and how it affected him emotionally. She then explains that receiving feedback can be challenging, and it is important to categorize the different types of criticism, such as evaluation, coaching, and appreciation.

Evaluation is generally focused on assessing performance against predetermined criteria.

Coaching is focused on providing guidance and support to improve performance

Appreciation is focused on recognizing and acknowledging someone's efforts and achievements.

Emotional response to feedback is the hardest part to deal with

Dami advises that the emotional response to feedback is the hardest part to deal with, and one must identify what triggers those emotional responses to have better control over them. He identifies three types of triggers: truth triggers, behavior patterns, and identity triggers.

Truth triggers are emotional responses to feedback that is perceived as wrong, unhelpful, or unfair.

To handle truth triggers, one must acknowledge that everyone thinks differently and try to examine themselves for any blind spots in their thinking.

Behavior patterns are behaviors that are unknown to us but are pointed out by others, such as using filler words.

For behavior patterns, one should listen to feedback that others provide and make changes accordingly.

Identity triggers are emotional responses that arise from feedback that threatens our sense of self-worth or identity, such as criticism of our values or beliefs.

For identity triggers, one must separate their self-worth from the criticism and not let it define them.

An example that a 5-year-old might understand — Toy

Let's say you promised to share your toys with your friend during playtime, but when it's time to play, you decide to keep all the toys for yourself. Your friend might feel sad and upset because they were expecting to play with you and share the toys. This is an example of a truth trigger, where your friend's emotions are triggered by the fact that you didn't keep your promise.

Another example is if you always hit your little brother when you get angry. This is a behavior pattern, where your actions of hitting become a habit or a pattern that you repeat over and over again. Your little brother might feel scared and upset whenever you get angry because he knows you might hit him.

Finally, let's say you love playing soccer and you are really good at it. You might start to identify yourself as a soccer player, and this becomes a part of your identity. When someone asks you to describe yourself, you might say "I am a soccer player." This is an example of an identity trigger, where your sense of self is triggered by your love for soccer and your skills in the game.

Another example — Alex

Let's say you have a friend named Alex who is always quick to anger and become defensive when someone disagrees with him. This could be a behavior pattern trigger for Alex - something that sets off a particular behavior in him.

Now let's say that Alex is passionate about politics and identifies strongly with a particular political party. If someone criticizes that party or its policies, Alex may take it as a personal attack on his identity and become even more defensive and argumentative. This is an example of an identity trigger - something that threatens or challenges his sense of self.

Finally, let's say that Alex is generally honest and values the truth. However, if he feels like someone is questioning his intelligence or credibility, he may become defensive and even lie to prove his point. This is an example of a truth trigger - something that threatens his sense of truth or accuracy.

How to implement feedback into one's life

In the second part of the video, Dami talks about the importance of implementing feedback into one's life and provides tips on how to do it effectively. She emphasizes the need to approach feedback with a growth mindset and to focus on specific actions and behaviors that can be changed or improved. Dami suggests creating a plan to address the feedback and setting specific goals to work towards. She also recommends seeking support and accountability from others to help with the implementation process.

Relevant Resources:

How to deal with criticism (LIKE A PRO) - YouTube

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